Birthday Go-Kart Crashing Extravaganza!

By Unknown - December 06, 2017

Happy birthday to meeeeee...

Well, the title kinda says it all! I am ofishuly... ficcaily... Oficcia... The third birthday person in the UAE!

I'm 13 now, and I turned 13 about a week ago, so sorry for the yuuuge delay (read: procrastination).

Let the narraration begin!

So I turned 13. Big whoop. It actually didn't feel any different waking up to be 13 that it did waking up as 12. I'm just sleepy, bored, and severely wanting to take out my sleepy-boredness on my alarm clock, which I had set for 6:30 last night, thinking that I should enjoy as much as my birthday as possible.

I was wrong.

Anyway, I'd actually like to start my birthday tale on the day we actually celebrated it, which was the 25th, not the 30th.

You see, Dad had (another!) business trip on the 30th, so he wouldn't be around then. So we decided to celebrate it on a weekend, and mega-style.

First thing... we went go-karting. Except this place was like, pro. They made you wear tracksuits and all that stuff... let us just say that it got stuffy in there.

1st RACE: BEN, GRETA AND ME ON THE 35 MPH TRACK

Annnnd they're off! No wait... first they have to sign the twenty-seven waivers and make sure that they know what a good, responsible racer does.

Waivers? Check! Safe driving? Ignored!

Here's some pics:

Us all suited up for action... with epic helmets too!

The karts we used. Believe me, these things were fast. I'm number 2, Ben's 5, and Greta's 19.

So, Greta and Ben both didn't brake on the first hairpin and went straight into the pits at top speed and Ben hit the barrier trying to avoid Greta. But it was ok! They were flying back down the track before you realized it!
Huh boy...

I tailed these people for a couple laps before finally ditching them on the straightaway. They were really good.

Let me tell you something to clear this up: The people officiating the races really didn't 3care what kind of driving happened on the track, so there was plenty of good bashing between me and Ben. It was great.

I'm in front... Greta and Ben are trying to sideswipe each other... The dude in the back is probably wondering what the heck is going on between those 3 siblings...

FINAL POSITIONS:

Me: First

Dude and his kid: Second

Ben: Third

Greta: Fourth

I think... at least I know I lapped Greta and Ben while they were stuck in the pits...

On to the next race!

People: Dad, Me, Eliza, Dude, Dude, Dude

Karts: 50MPH

These karts were actually frightening. They went really fast, and the track was like IndyCar. It looked and felt like F1.

Annnnnd, if you went off of the track, there were these bumps like on a highway that "encourage" you to get back on the track by breaking your spine. Fun!

There was not much crash smash launching of karts because I:

1: was too concentrated (read: freaked out) on driving to single out Ellie and Dad

2: really wouldn't like to die

3: 50 stinkin' miles an hour!! 50!!!!

4: *goes off track* bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump

So yeah. Not much foul play in this race.

But aside from the white-knuckle karts and the track bumps that probably are painted red from people's blood, this race was pretty fun!

Enough talk. PICTURES! ʘ‿ʘ

Here is us in the karts that probably still contain flecks of spine.

Here we are marching to the slaughter.

Weeeeee.... AAAAAAAAHHHH

The straightaway was the greatest. No bumps, just pure 50 miles an hour fun.

It was either foot on the floor or foot off the floor. I didn't brake a whole lot..

Big mistake.

Here are me and Eliza fighting it out on the straightaway...

That was one heck of a lap. I tailed Eliza for like the whole lap until I finally passed her, and then it was pretty much: "OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP RUN AWAYYYYYYY KART GO FASTER!" the whole rest of the race.

Here is the group responsible for the awesomeness today.

When people come to visit, I'm taking them here and dueling it out on the track.

Dad hamming it up for the camera

Me shaking my fist in glorious vistory

Except it wasn't victory at all. The maliciously grinning person on the right is Dad, the person in last is Eliza, and the super-humble person in 5th is me. So yeah. I'm not the king, but hey, we all had fun.